Before the First Word Falls

A conversation does not begin with the ringing. It begins before that–with who is sitting there when it rings.

The two exercises on this page belong to that before. Making Ready is for the minutes before the shift: arriving, growing quiet, tuning ear and voice, finding a place that stays calm. Between Calls is for the minutes after: breathing out, giving back what is not one's own, and becoming free again for the next voice.

In Staying With there is a woman who lives this before and after without ever naming it. In her conversation with Werner, Marta does nothing–she listens, waits, keeps the space open. And when Werner hangs up, she sits still for a moment. It is exactly this moment the exercises tend: the quiet margin around the conversation, from which the listening draws its strength. At their centre stand four sentences after Stephen Gilligan–one of the voices who speak in the book itself.

Of this silence, Staying With tells.

Two Exercises for the Shift

These two guides are meant for slow reading–at about half your everyday pace. Each paragraph is one breath. The empty spaces between them are not gaps but part of the exercise: where the text falls silent, you may too.

Making Ready

An exercise before the shift · about eight minutes

Arriving

Sit down at your place.

Your shift is about to begin.–But not yet.

Straighten your spine. Without severity.

Let your sitting bones grow heavy.

Let your shoulders sink.

And let your forehead soften.

This is a simple time.–For being with yourself.

The Silence

It begins with a moment of silence.

Doing nothing.–Preparing nothing.–Only being here.

Stay here longer than you would like.

The Four Sentences

And into this silence–four sentences.

You do not have to do anything with them. Just let them be here.

In every call that comes today, something is trying to wake up.

At the heart of every distress, something is trying to heal.

Something is trying to transform itself.

May I be a helpful presence for that.

Simply contemplate it–from that simple perspective.

Tuning the Ear

Now tune your instrument.–Your ear.

Name, inwardly, three sounds you hear right now.–Unhurried. One after the other.

Now three sensations.–The weight on the chair. The warmth of your hands. The floor beneath your feet.–Or whatever shows itself.

Now two sounds.

Two sensations.

One sound.

One sensation.

And whatever else announces itself–a noise, a thought, a restlessness–is welcome.

Push nothing away. Weave everything in.

What you fight grows louder.–What you weave in carries you deeper.

Tuning the Voice

The ear is one instrument.–The voice is the other.

Hum a note. Quietly.–Only for yourself.

Do not listen for beauty.–Listen for where it sits.

If it sits high and forward, you have not quite arrived.–Then one more breath. And again.

It does not go deeper by pressing.–Only by arriving.

The Intention

Now let an intention come to you.–For this shift. For today.

Five words or fewer.–It does not have to make sense. It only has to ring true.

And if none comes today–borrow one:

I am here.

The Place Beneath

Sense a place in you that stays calm.–Whatever comes today.

Beneath your thoughts.–Beneath your own story.

You do not have to make it. Only find it.–It is already there.

From this place you will listen.

The Second Skin

To close, give the whole a gentle protection.

A permeable layer around you.–Not armour.

What comes may touch you. And pass through you.–Nothing has to stay.

Receiving–without keeping.

Opening

And now come back into the room.–Look around.

The place is ready.–You are ready.

Speak your greeting once.–Half aloud, into the empty room.

So you hear yourself before anyone else does.

When it rings: one breath.–Then pick up.

I am here.–I stay with you.–It holds.

Between Calls

A short exercise · about two minutes

The receiver is down.

Breathe out once, audibly.

And let the out-breath carry a note.–Hum it. Quietly.

Is it still open?

If it is tight, the conversation is still in you.–A piece of information. Not a verdict.

And give back what is not yours.–To the chair. To the floor. To the room.

If the conversation was heavy:

Give the role back–as a representative gives it back.

What it moved in you belongs to the team. To supervision. To your own stillness.

And before you pick up again:

One sound.

One sensation.

One sentence.

I am here.–I stay with you.–It holds.

The opening of this exercise follows Stephen Gilligan’s practice meditation from the seminar ‘Pathways to Freedom’ (SySt Institute 2008): the moment of silence, the four sentences and their contemplation, partly word for word, partly carried into the setting of the telephone shift. Both exercises belong to the way of being that ‘Staying With’ tells of: Heiko Raue, ‘Staying With. A Way of Being Present in Crisis, Pastoral Care, and Accompaniment’, 2026.